Chasing Temptation Page 13

“It means that we’re done. Our time is up.”

  “Tomorrow,” she whispered. “Our time is up tomorrow. We still have all day today and tonight.”

  “No.” He glanced at her. “I’m breaking it off early. And I’m going with that woman to the rehearsal tonight.”

  Her heart sped up. “You have a date lined up for tonight? But we just…”

  “Fucked,” he said.

  The word had never sounded so harsh. She had thought it was more than that.

  “You can’t tell me you didn’t feel something like that. Something real.”

  “You’re right,” he said. “And that’s why I’m ending this early. I should have ended it a long time ago.” He shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe we never should have done it at all.”

  The weight of Kansas was nowhere near as heavy as his presence. She’d never felt more naïve, more discarded, than she did right then.

  He looked at her. Standing tall, fully dressed, and perfectly kempt while she sat naked, a total mess, in a ruffled bed. Her entire chest snapped into two, and she’d never felt so vulnerable, so alone.

  She could have sworn a flicker of sadness crossed his face, but it was gone too soon for her to be sure. She had to find some kind of dignity. Even if it was faked.

  “You said you should have broken this off sooner? Why didn’t you?”

  He shook his head but didn’t speak.

  “Because emotions got involved?” she challenged, hoping she sounded angry. “Whose emotions are you referring to?”

  “Yours.”

  She nodded. “Of course. Because I’m the only one in this, aren’t I? I’m the only one who feels something. Certainly not you.”

  “I should have—”

  “Don’t! Don’t you dare tell me what you should have done, and don’t do me any favors.”

  “It was never my goal to hurt you,” he whispered. “You want something I can’t give.”

  “Oh, so you’re sparing my feelings, are you?” She gritted her teeth. “I don’t need your pity.” She was using his words against him, but it didn’t make her feel any better. “You’re a coward,” she said. “You know what you want. She’s standing right in front of you. But you’re too scared to take a chance.”

  She stood quickly, yanking on her dress and hating that she likely looked terrible, especially now that the tears were spilling over her lashes.

  “Penny—”

  “You asked when we started if I was sure I could handle you. You weren’t sure I’d last.”

  She waited for him to say something, but when he only gave her silence, she walked past him and to the bedroom door.

  With her hand on the knob, she said, “You were wrong about one thing.” She opened the door. “I outlasted you.”

  With that, she slammed the door on everything. Sebastian. Their future together. And the stupid idea that they could ever have been more.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Bass adjusted his tie as he walked into the hotel where Jenna and Colt were holding the rehearsal. Penny’s words had vibrated through his mind since she’d left this morning.

  Maybe I am a coward.

  What he’d said to her was the hardest thing he’d ever done. And she’d called him on it. Only this time, he didn’t want to fight. He’d made the right choice cutting ties with her before the attachment got even worse, but everything in his gut told him he was wrong.

  A feeling that intensified when he saw her walk in with Finn. She looked beautiful. The only flaw he could find was whose arm she was on.

  What the fuck was I thinking?

  Seeing her, not being able to touch her, claim her, feel her…

  He’d always valued control above all else, but now he needed something—someone—more than that…and he’d let her go.

  How could he have stood there and pushed her away? Worse, how could he have pushed her into the arms of another man?

  He shook his head, trying to get his brain on track with his thinking. He’d made his choice. Now he had to live with it.

  “Sebastian,” Jenna said, snapping him from his thoughts. “My third bridesmaid just called. She got held up and won’t be here until late.”

  Great. Not that he cared. He wasn’t interested in his next fling. Not when he was watching the only woman he wanted walk away on some other man’s arm.

  “We can’t wait for her,” Jenna said. “So tomorrow, will you walk her through everything for the wedding?”

  “Sure,” he said. Jenna smiled and skipped off. Fucking skipped. She was so happy. Colt was practically drooling. And here Sebastian was, for once all too aware of how isolated he felt without anyone by his side.

  “I don’t know how to say this buddy,” Huck said, coming to stand next to him. “But you look scary pissed.” He handed him a tall glass of Southern Comfort.

  Bass downed it immediately, then swiped Huck’s glass and did the same thing.

  “Whoa, take it easy,” Huck said.

  Bass scoffed. “I need another.” Because the drinks weren’t doing shit to comfort him. Thank God the hotel had a bar. He needed all the distraction he could get, because Penny was on the other side of the room, and he could still smell her. Strawberries.

  He didn’t know how long he stood there, just staring and realizing she wasn’t looking at him. She hadn’t even glanced at him as she came into the room.

  “Here you go. Maybe go a little slower this time,” Huck said, handing him another drink. The man moved quick with alcohol, and Bass appreciated it.

  He took another swig, then looked at the glass. He’d lost count of how many swallows he was on. His new goal was to drink until he could forget. Until he couldn’t smell or feel her anymore.

  “I can still. Fucking. Smell her,” he growled. Strawberries and sun and warmth.

  “Okay,” Huck said, standing next to him. “All I can smell is liquor.”

  Sebastian tried to smile but failed. “What do you want?”

  “I want to know if you’re okay. You’ve been different—”

  “My date isn’t going to make it tonight, it would seem.” He raised his glass. “So I’m going to party by myself.” Party might be the wrong word, because all he could think about was the look he’d seen in Penny’s eyes this morning. The betrayal.

  Now she won’t look at me at all.

  Not that he could blame her. She’d given him her trust, and he’d crushed it.

  “She deserves better,” he mumbled.

  “I think Penny would beg to differ,” Huck said quietly.

  He frowned at his friend. “What?”

  “Please, you think I didn’t know? The way you looked at her, the way she was all happy and smiley lately. That was because of you. She loves you. Has for a while. Besides—” he took a drink of his own liquor “—the way you’re glaring holes through Finn right now is a big tip off.”

  “He can give her what she wants.”

  “Ooh.” Huck shook his head. “So you know what’s best for Penny?”

  “I know it’s not me.”

  “For being a smart guy, you’re a fucking idiot.”

  “Is that right?”

  “Look,” Huck said. “I know you have your own shit to work out. I know you control your world with an iron fist, and I know why you think the way you do. We’ve been friends a long time, man. I get it. But you’re messing up right now. Really messing up. You’ve never been one to ignore the facts.”

  “I’m acknowledging the facts!” Bass said. “I’m not for Penny. It wouldn’t work.”

  “Why? Because she’s Ryder’s sister? He’ll get over it, especially if you love her. But if you really want her, you have to man up and give up one thing to have her.”

  He didn’t have to ask to know what Huck was referring to. But he told him anyway.

  “Control,” Huck said. “You have to let her choose. Lay it all out there and let her hold your world in her hands for once.”

  Bass shook his head. If h
e laid himself out there, she could deny him, rip him to shreds. After everything he’d done to her, he deserved it.

  But for her to walk away, it would leave him…

  Empty.

  Like he was right now.

  He’d done this to himself. She hadn’t done this to him. This whole time, he’d been fighting against himself, and he might have just fucked up his one chance with the only woman he’d be willing to give up everything for.

  “You’re a good guy.” Huck patted his shoulder and stood. “But either figure your shit out and make this right, or you’re going to need a lot more of these.” He gently tapped the glass he held. “It’s up to you to recover from this.”

  It hit him like a ton of bricks. Though his mind was drowning in Southern Comfort, he was miserable and lashing out, hating himself. Hating life.

  Just like my father…

  He closed his eyes for a moment, the irony of how he’d gotten to this place despite his best efforts sinking in. He’d turned into the one man he never wanted to become.

  Only Penny hadn’t left.

  I pushed her away.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Penny had tried taking a cold shower before going to the rehearsal, but her anger had come back to the surface as soon as she arrived at the rehearsal dinner and saw Bass. She refused to let him know she’d seen him.

  She’d been nothing more than an arrangement to him. He’d warned her that he liked control, exercised it in all things. She should have known he’d call it off as soon as she threatened that control.

  So now she stood at the rehearsal, smiling and nodding while Finn dished her a few compliments.

  They’d made it through the second run through of the rehearsal, and just as everyone was talking about loading up and going back to the BBQ for dinner—which she would have to put on another sunny smile for—Colt stood at the alter and asked for everyone’s attention.

  “I just wanted to thank everyone for coming tonight. I know that tomorrow is the big day.” Colt looked at Jenna, “And I…I just wanted to tell you all that I’ve been miserable.”

  Penny’s eyes shot wide, but Colt smiled, and his stare locked on Jenna.

  “I’ve never been good with patience,” he said. “And every day since the day you said you’d marry me has been a special kind of misery, sugar. Only because I have to wait.” He winked at his bride to be, and water danced along her lashes. But what got Penny was the big, bad rodeo rider getting misty. “Tomorrow, you’re finally mine. In every way.”

  Woots, whistles, and applause rang out.

  “Bass, come up here,” Colt said. Penny’s eyes shot to Sebastian as he walked to the platform. “This guy is my best man. He’s the one who talked sense into me when I needed to hear it. Now, Bass has asked for a minute to say a special toast. For the man who helped me make the best decision of my life, I’d give him all day.”

  Colt stepped down, leaving Bass on display and everyone quiet, waiting.

  She held her breath as Bass looked straight at her.

  “I’m not even a good man, much less the best.” He laughed, but there was nothing humorous about it. “I could tell from the beginning that Colt and Jenna were meant for each other. That kind of trust and commitment is rare, and up until a couple of weeks ago, I thought almost no one would be lucky enough to have it, especially me.”

  She couldn’t swallow. She stared at the dark eyes fixed on her. Something other people were beginning to notice. Including her brother.

  “If you love someone, it’s worth the risk. Whether it’s for two weeks, two years…or forever. But something is better than nothing.” He shook his head. “I need more than nothing.”

  She cupped a hand over her mouth.

  “Hear, hear!” someone shouted, and everyone toasted.

  As Bass walked off the platform, people went back to their conversations.

  And now Bass was walking toward her.

  But Ryder stopped him, and the look in her brother’s eyes was a deadly one.

  …

  “What the hell is going on?” Ryder asked.

  “I’ve been seeing Penny,” Bass said, figuring he might as well come out and say it.

  “What do you mean you’ve been seeing her?” He blocked Bass’s path. The man was large, about the same height as Bass, but built more like a bruiser than any of their other friends. “You mean you’ve been dating her?”

  He paused. He could take the lawyer’s way out and argue semantics, but he knew what Ryder was asking, and the answer was—

  “Yes.”

  Ryder’s face turned a shade of red reserved for people he was ready to punch or run over with his truck. He ushered Bass into the corner and out of earshot. Not that it stopped everyone from glancing at them.

  “You mean you’ve been fucking her,” he growled.

  “It’s not like that,” Sebastian said.

  “I know you,” Ryder said. “I know what you do with women. I know how you operate.”

  “Maybe it started out like that. But without me meaning for it to, without me realizing it was happening, it turned into much more.”

  Ryder took another step toward him, fists clenched at his side. “Did you hurt her? Use and then abandon her like you do all the other women you see?”

  “I didn’t use her.” But he had abandoned her. Something he was anxious to rectify.

  “Bullshit! How long has this been going on?”

  “Two weeks.”

  “Two weeks? For two weeks you’ve lied to me? Shamed my sister in whatever way your twisted mind felt like and walked around like nothing was going on?”

  Ryder was beyond pissed, and Bass had no choice but to take whatever he dished out. He knew this was the consequence.

  “I know I fucked up when it came to lying to you. And I know I’m not good enough for her. That’s why I broke it off. But I can’t take it anymore. I want Penny. I want to be with her—”

  “Well you can’t have her. She’s the sweetest, kindest person in the world. She deserves better than someone who’s just going to leave her.”

  “I’m not going to leave her,” he said. “It scares the hell out of me, but I’ll stay with her for as long as she’ll have me.”

  Ryder clenched his fists. “You and I both know Penny deserves way better than you. Look me in the eye, all bullshit aside, and tell me you of all people are the best man for her.”

  Bass stared at his friend. He couldn’t deny the facts. Ryder had thrown in reasonable doubt. Was Bass “the best man for her?”

  He sensed movement on the sidelines. It was Penny, making her way to the front of the crowd. He looked at her as he said, “I’m not the best man, but I’m damn sure going to try to be.”

  A searing jab split through Sebastian’s cheek, and it felt like his eye was going to explode. Shocking gasps rang out, and it was when the slow burn of pain set in that he realized Ryder had punched him in the face.

  “I can’t be your wingman on this one, man,” Ryder said. He glanced at his sister, then back at Bass. “You want this, you tell her yourself.”

  …

  Everyone parted like the Red Sea as Penny made her way to Bass. She hadn’t heard everything he’d said, but it had been enough to make Ryder deck him.

  She’d tried to prepare herself for this encounter, but it hurt just looking at him. They would never be more. He’d made that clear. So whatever half declaration he’d just made didn’t make sense. Because at this point, she didn’t know if they could even be friends.

  “Penelope,” he said, taking her hand and sitting up.

  She didn’t say anything. Couldn’t. Because just the way he said her name made her tremble with anticipation. “Not today.”

  It was all she could get out. With her friends and her brother looking on, she couldn’t go into all this. Couldn’t bear to hear his well thought out plan of how to move forward from this as buddies or whatever. She just couldn’t.

  “Then I’ll wait,�
� he said.

  Penny frowned, her gaze shooting to his. “What?”

  “I’m on your time, Penny.”

  She took a deep breath, and her spinning world finally slowed, but she couldn’t gain her bearings. There, in front of their friends, strangers, and God himself, Sebastian Strafford had done the one thing she’d never seen him do.

  He hit his knees.

  She opened her mouth, or maybe it fell open, but nothing came out.

  “Penny,” he said, looking up at her. “I’m sorry.”

  She shook her head. “What you said this morning…” Just thinking those words hurt.

  No. They’d never be more.

  “I made a mistake, love,” he said. “I pushed you away on purpose. I’m not the perfect guy for you, but I want to try. I love you.”

  Did she hear that right? There was too much coming at her. The pain of his words, his actions from this morning, and now this declaration that stood in the face of how he’d hurt her.

  “I trusted you.”

  “I know.” His arm moved like he was going to reach for her, but he stopped short of touching her. “I messed up. Said things I didn’t mean. I pushed you away on purpose.” His dark eyes met hers. She saw uncertainty and fear there. She also saw a spark of something else. Love maybe? “I thought you deserved more than what I was willing to give you. I know what you want now. And I want to give you everything. Starting with my control. I’m in your hands now. Whatever you want, I’ll do. In return, all I want is you.”

  Her heart was going to explode, and her whole stomach tightened with pain…with hope. Bass was giving up the one thing he never let go of. Was putting her above everything.

  “All I want is you, too,” she whispered. Yet there was one thing she had to ask. “How long?”

  “What?” he asked.

  She gathered her strength and repeated, “How. Long?” It took all the effort she had to get those two words out. But she needed to be clear this time. “You put a timeline on us. Two weeks—”

  “Or until you say no,” he cut in. “I was stupid to think two weeks would ever suffice. It’s not enough. Not even in the realm of enough.”

  His gaze fastened on hers. She saw him, the real Sebastian Strafford and all the raw intensity that came with him. Everything in her soul recognized him as hers.